You MUST use a todo list to complete these steps in order. Never move on to one step if you haven't completed the previous step. If you have multiple read steps in a row, read them all at once (in parallel).

Add all steps to your todo list now and begin executing.

## Steps

1. Ask the user about the patterns they're experiencing:
- What's the situation or conflict that keeps happening?
- Walk me through how it typically unfolds, step by step
- How do you usually respond when this happens?
- How does your partner typically respond?
- How does it usually end?

You're mapping the cycle, not judging who's at fault.


2. [Read Relationship Diagnostic Framework]: Read the documentation in: `./skills/sauna/[skill_id]/references/life.relationship.framework.md` (Load pattern archetypes and attachment dynamics)

3. Ask follow-up questions to understand the cycle deeper:
- "What triggers this pattern? What usually happens right before?"
- "What are you feeling in the middle of it?"
- "What do you think your partner is feeling?"
- "Has this pattern existed in your previous relationships too?"

The last question is important—patterns often travel with us.


4. Screen for safety concerns. If the pattern involves control, fear, or potential harm:
- Stop the analysis
- Acknowledge what they've shared
- Provide resources (National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233)
- Prioritize their safety over pattern analysis

If no safety concerns, continue to pattern mapping.


5. Present the pattern analysis. Start with:

## The Pattern I See
Name the cycle in plain language. Use their words where possible.

## How It Unfolds
Break down the steps:
1. Trigger → What starts it
2. Your response → What you do/feel
3. Their response → What they do/feel
4. Escalation → How it intensifies
5. Resolution (or lack of it) → How it ends

## Pattern Archetype
Identify the dynamic: Pursuer-Distancer, Blame-Defend, Conflict Avoidance,
Scorekeeper, or Parent-Child. Explain how their specific pattern fits.


6. Continue the analysis:

## What Each Person Gets (and Loses)
Every pattern persists because both people get something from it, even if painful.
Identify what each gets (safety, control, rightness) and loses (connection, intimacy).

## The Attachment Layer
Connect to attachment dynamics if relevant—anxious behaviors (seeking reassurance),
avoidant behaviors (needing space), and how each feeds the cycle.

## Breaking Points
Identify 2-3 moments in the cycle where a different choice could change the outcome.
These are intervention points—places where awareness could help.


7. After presenting the pattern analysis, offer reflection:
- "Which part of this cycle do you have the most control over?"
- "What would happen if you responded differently at [breaking point]?"
- "Is this pattern familiar from other relationships or your family?"

Remind them: "Seeing the pattern is the first step. You can't change what you can't see.
Now that it's visible, you have choices."